The English Chess Federation season has roared to life, and yesterday, I marched out for Delves, my neighbourhood club, in the Durham League. Delves is close to my heart, so when our captain — the ever-daring Dan the Dangerous — called to ask if I would fight for the cause this season, my answer was a thunderous yes.
Our opening battle was against Durham University, unpredictable as ever, their line‑up shifting with each new academic tide. I had prayed for a rematch with my old rival, Theo “The Silent Assassin” Jenkins . Once, I led him 3–0, but last season, he struck back with venom, and I’ve been sharpening my sword for revenge. Yet Caissa denied me: Theo has graduated, his legend drifting into the mist.
Instead, five fresh recruits stormed in — first‑years, unknowns, brimming with energy, strangers to our battleground, strangers even to Theo’s name. They warmed up with a curious spectacle: a variant called Duck Chess , where after every move, a duck is dropped onto the board, blocking squares like some mischievous trickster god. Fascinating, yes — but for an old warhorse like me, why complicate an already labyrinthine game? Give me the purity of classical combat any day.
When the real business began, I found myself across from Phoenix Lamb, clad in a Star Wars hoodie and cargo shorts, straight out of St. John’s College. He opened with 1.e4. I smiled, shook my head, and replied: 1…e6. Nice to meet you — I am the French Minister😊
A slip on f2 gifted me a pawn, and from there, I tightened the noose. Move after move, I found the engine’s top choices, grinding with 95% accuracy until Phoenix fell. First blood to Delves. A sweet start to the season.
On the other boards, Bryan Harkness struck cleanly on board 2, while Dan the Dangerous conjured chaos with a cheeky exchange sacrifice on f3 — his opponent stumbled into knight tricks and collapsed. Only Richard fell on board 4, leaving us with a 3–1 victory. A fine beginning, though I must tip my hat to the young university lads — they fought with spirit.
Elsewhere, in the Northumberland League, my comrade Awesome “The Magician of Northumbria” was weaving spells for the Newcastle Jesters. His sorcery overwhelmed Morpeth’s John Horton — black magic, brutal, and final. The Jesters triumphed 3.5–0.5.
For me, the campaign rolls on: 16th October , I’ll fly the banner of the Newcastle Dragons in Division A against Newcastle University. Then, the Scarborough Congress beckons on the 24th. October is war, and I am ready🥋
Stay tuned, friends. The Storyteller will return with more tales from the battlefield. Until then, enjoy the games from yesterday’s skirmishes.
— The Storyteller
